between my legs a little trail of black dust.

A SMALL VICTORY IN CRACK IDEATION.

The man in the bed was handsome and young, face unlined and hair combed back with too much product. The Doctor smiled to himself. This man would have been a wonderful companion, so full of pure wonder and love. The smile faded. But that was not his fate. Instead, the Doctor thought, he would be thrown into the path of evil and torment. But he knew, knew it like he knew the paths of countless others, that this was the only path and that the man would not thank him from diverting him from it.

A young woman needed justice. Solace.

And Federal Bureau of Investigation Special Agent Dale Cooper was the only person who could give it to her.

HURRAH! So far, this 516-word one-shot fanfiction is the only online proof of anyone else having the same the fabulous Twin Peaks/Doctor Who crossover idea that I had the other day. Well, also this brief forum discussion. But that’s it. Here is an untapped market, people. I know that thanks to the conceit of the TARDIS, the Doctor can pretty much cross over into anything, but doesn’t the image of the blue box landing next to the train car right before Bob shows up seem fitting?? Isn’t Coop utterly a man after the Doctor’s heart? Wouldn’t he be excited and perplexed by all the time-warping? I wonder if the TARDIS would be able to fly into the Black Lodge or if it’d be one of those deals where they have to park outside before getting vanished in. The presence of the TARDIS would definitely instigate a measuring of the Lodge’s time/space boundaries in an interesting way. THINK OF MAJOR BRIGGS. PROJECT BLUE BOOK?! HELLO??

On a side note: the episodes “The Empty Child” and “The God Complex” are mildly Lynchian, y/y?

i’m not even halfway through this article, and it is eminently clear that both the writer and myself want to marry this guy.

Observe this sterling piece of entertainment journalism from GQ, August 1992:

At a time when certain grown males are out waggling their weenies in the woods, trying to figure out how to be men, MacLachlan seems to present an answer. He’s curious, honest, protective, playful - your mother would be thrilled to meet him. Tall, dark, almost classically handsome (except for that inverted-apostrophe of a chin, which is more pronounced in person), he has hazel eyes that go green when he grins…says Janet Koo, a director friend[:] “He’s very sexual. Women fall in love with him instantly.”

All I can say is I feel this girl. I certainly would have been sweating through my lady blazer. Though what’s this about the weenies in the woods? And this:

“Kyle loves both Kate Bush and Led Zeppelin,” says Michael Ontkean, who played Sheriff Harry S. Truman on Twin Peaks. “I think that says it all.” (Do these guys ever come out of character?)

Okay, he had me at Kate Bush; I could lose the Zeppelin.

If it weren’t already painfully obvious by the turn this blog has taken of late, I’d like to formally extend my hand in marriage to early-90s-era-Kyle MacLachlan.

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(By Johanna Schneller)